Capitol Observations: A Secondhand Account of the Insurrection

*The pretentious, pompous, incompetent president presides over the insurrectionist party. 

*Treasonous flags fly fervently from rafters while attendees pray and salute.

*Maskless madmen march with blinders on and follow men who mislead them.

*Parents train children to commit treason rather than teach them to treat others well.

*Fellas fight for another lost cause and fail miserably. 

*Heathens climb concrete walls and cause chaos.

*Cooperative cops take pictures with the crowd.

*Concerned cops try to control the crowd with little support.

*Ravenous barbarians break windows and bust through Capitol doors.

*A seething woman storms the Capitol halls and is hit by a Sig Sauer.

*Lawmakers and staff leave the meeting and make their way to mysterious meeting places.

*Lawmakers return, and some Republicans are oblivious to the day's events and absolve themselves of their responsibility for the day's occurrences.

*FBI tries to find fake patriots who failed at fighting a frivolous battle.

*The legacy of losing continues.